My english teacher made me go talk to the student activities counselor today. Ohmygoodness. It was ridiculous. Then my teacher and I got into a fight over AIM like we're in fucking 8th grade. Here's the convo. Me: (email) If you could see me right now you would see that I am doing the "I am so confused right now" face. So I obviously talked to Ms. F. She is so confusing. It's like she's trying to be my friend or something...and it's just not working out. If she was a peer I probably wouldn't like her. Did you tell her NOTHING about the situation? Because she either didn't know or pretended like she didn't know. She kept asking me about what I liked to do and about college. Everything we talked about was pretty irrelevant. I'm trying to decide if she did that on purpose or if she's just dumb. I'm thinking that she did it on purpose. She said that she wants to talk again next week. I don't know if I want to do that. B is so mad that I missed 9th period because he wanted to film the movie, but we couldn't. He keeps complaining about how we're not going to get to sleep on Tuesday night. He's probably right though. I don't know. That's all for now. Her: (email) You need to go back next week - I told Ms. F that I have a concern about one of my students and that I am feaful that one of my students has been self-mutilating and that there might be an eating issue; she is trying to get to know you to build trust. She is not dumb, in fact she is very intelligent and well-educated. You need to give her a chance. Besides, once a week will not kill you and B will get over it. You need some additional support that I cannot provide. You have nothing to lose. Besides, if I were in highschool, I do not think you would like me ver y mush either, so there goes that argument. Have a good night. For what it might be worth, I am really proud of you. Me: i don't think i'm going to go. i think i'm just going to be ok now. done.
Her: nice try - hold on
Her: ok - you spoke with her for 30 minutes - and you are not all of a sudden better
Me: it's a miracle!
Her: don't get sarcastic or defensive
Her: next week is seven days away and you have nothing better to do during 7th or 9th periods
Me: i cant miss gym. i will be so physically unfit. and i cant miss english. i'm already behind on the midterm!
Her: stop it
Me: im not kidding
Her: neither am I, in fact, I was just thinking that I have never met you mother, maybe I should invite her to lunch sometime
Me: i would never speak to you again....
Her: keep going to Ms F - it won't hurt, you have no reason not to go - that is what you need to do to try to get better
Me: you're tyring to fucking blakcmail me. omg. dont even talk to me.
Her: how am I blackmailing you? don't be so dramtaic
Me: "I was just thinking that I have never met you mother, maybe I should invite her to lunch sometime" yeah...ok
Her: that was not a threat
Her: you need to talk with someone who is not a doctor or a shrink or your parents she is the best alternative
Her: why do you not like her?
Me: i already told you
Her: you think she is dumb? big geal
Her: you are not in an IQ race with her - she is here to work with you not teach you
Me: wait, who are you talking about?
Her: ms . F
Me: i just dont think she will be helpful
Her: you do not know that yet - please I am begging you at this point and it is quite pathetic as I do not enjoy begging
Me: you said that if i didn't want to go back i didn't have to
Her: you did not talk about any of your issues yet
Her: and you have no other options
Me: my other option is pretend like this problem doesn't exist
Her: not an option
Her: you are not stupid or delussional
Her: not at all spelled correctly
Me: it is an option. it's what i've been doing forever
Her: nope - you told me for a reason - lies lies lies will not get you anywhere, but dead, in your case
Me: well then maybe dead is best
Her: you do not look good in pale
Me: wtf?
Her: dead = pale and pale is not your color
Me: i am pale...
Her: dead is like a bluish pale - gross
Me: one time i heard that if you eat a lot of carrots you turn orange so i tried it. it didn't work. but anyway, if i'm dead then it won't matter whether i'm pale or not
Her: if you do that when you are uner 1 your skin turns orange - you will go and see here and that is that
Me: i dont think so
Her: I am not not engaging an an IM argument. Yes you are and that is it.
Me: i'm not trying to argue. i'm trying to tell YOU what I'M going to do
Her: well, that sucks. Because I can't sit and watch you kill yourself.
Me: close your eyes then
Her: i can't have this conversation anymore - I am frustrated and annoyed and deeply saddened
Me: whatever Me: (email) I cannot believe you. You are trying to FORCE me to go and talk to that woman. I don't think so. And you know what really bothers me? After everything I've told you, you had the nerve to say that you were going to try to contact my mother if I didn't go talk to Ms. F. That most certainly was a threat. I'm not an idiot. I know when someone is trying to blackmail me. I really thought that I could trust you. Silly me. Wrong again. You and I need to have a discussion tomorrow. Me: (email to Ms. F) I'm really sorry to email you after I just met you today, but I am so incredibly angry right now and I have so much homework to do tonight and if I don't get this out I'll never be able to focus. I usually email Ms. M when I get this angry, but she is the person that I am angry at...so you see the problem. I emailed Ms. M after school today and told her that I didn't think I wanted to come talk to you anymore because I didn't think it was going to help and I didn't want to have to keep lying to my friend, B. She was not having that. She emailed me back and said that she thinks I should go. So then I sent her an instant message restating that I didn't think I was going to go back and she freaked out. Then she said that she was going to call my mother and invite her to lunch. I hate my mother. She knows this. She was trying to blackmail me! Then she TOLD me that I was going to go and talk to you and that was final like she owns me or something. I don't think so. And if she was trying to get me to email you like I'm doing right now...well, she has a hell of a way of doing it. I have never been this angry at her EVER. I can't believe that she would say that. Anyway, that's all. Rah!!! I hate everything! Update her: I just replied to your email - if you want to talk tomorrow 7th period is all I have open - that is up to you me: yeah. that's cool. i'm really sorry. i read that stuff over and i was really a bitch. her: not a bitch - defensive her: don't apologize her: you worry me and the nbest I can offer is ms. f her: I should not have made the mom threat - i would NEVER do that - I am sorry that was a low blow me: i'm not going to lie. i almost threw up when you said that. that's what really freaked me out. her: my instincts suggest otherwise, especially as a parent, but that would make things worse - if you want to handle this like an adult, then you need to help me out and work with what we have me: if you tell my mother i'll tell you right now what she'll do. she'll talk to you and pretendto be so concerned and then she'll scream at me for about...an hour and then she'll send me off to some IP treatment center in the middle of nowhere because i'm far too imperfect to be part of the famly's image. her: i know - I promise NOT to tell your parents, but that means we need to be able to work with Ms. F until you can get in to see my friend cindy which may not happen for some time me: but i made up this HUGE lie to bran and he's going to figure it out soon. her: honey at some point you are going to have to tell Brandon something - he is not dumb and he may be a good support for you - me: this is what bran will say "oh, eat something then." her: he doesn't understand her: would like me to talk to him me: nO her: ok her: we'll figure something out - we can tell him you are in guidance doing college stuff me: that's...part of what i told him me: bran is a really hard person to lie to me: and i'm really good at lying me: but bran is just so nosey her: well, we'll figure something out - I can say that I am having you do some field test stuff for my grad school class - I can talk about that in class that I asked some people to be part of my study me: that could work her: hmm...I'll start that nonsense tomorrow - that could really work! me: h/o. choking on water me: ok, done with that. her: ok - are you calm now? I did not mean to upset you me: sort of. idk. i guess i just realzied that someone could find out about this SO easily and then i'd be in big trouble. her: you are NOT going to be in trouble and no one will find out - relax - read the book I gave you though it is pretty good | 
